Are you my mother?

    I am grateful for you, Andrew. You are the tester of my ever dwindling patience, the giver of sloppy wet open-mouthed kisses. The destructor of my home, and master of unfolding laundry. No one else can melt my heart and simultaneously drive me mad. I can not say, sweet boy, how much I have grown since God blessed me with your life. Being your mother is not always easy; I am not perfect, but know that I will never work as hard to be at anything else.     I hope I can be everything you need, I hope I can teach you to be a good man. I hope I can teach you to love others, have empathy for them, to embrace difference, but know who you are and where you are going. I hope I can  instill in you a respect for your country, and the knowledge that you come from a line of American heros. Heros who were and are willing to sacrifice everything. I hope you live with passion, learn to embrace your trials. Be strong, in who you are and what you stan...

Ever have one of those days where you are this close to going over the edge, bat s*** crazy?? Today was that day for me, my child screamed off and on all day, nothing I did was write or helped and I never knew what he wanted. Those who know my Andrew know that this is very a-typical behavior; so I know something is wrong, but I still found myself getting so frustrated with him. Then of course feeling terrible because obviously something is wrong, but still on the verge of losing my mind because some of the time he is acting totally normal. The past week has been a little off because he cut his two front teeth, was running a fever all weekend, and has not eaten like normal. I chalked all that up to the teeth, but now he's got a rash so I think it might be more. Poor baby and I will be taking a trip to the doctor tomorrow. He is sleeping now, thank the good Lord. I feel terrible for almost losing it...especially if we go in tomorrow and it is more than just teeth. BLAH This motherhoo...

I know I know, it's been a long time since my last post; in my defense I have been busy. I visited family in VA while joel was training out of town. It was nice for my family to get to know Andrew, I love California but it is hard being so far away, especially when it comes to Andrew.  He had so much fun getting spolied by everyone that when we got home I pretty much had to retrain him, haha!  It is nice to know that my little boy is so loved by so many people. :) Here are pictures from the past month or so. Yay!!!! :) He was not feeling well and didnt really want anything to do with this cupcake sweet baby sleepy face such great uncles this little boy has :) he found a cookie and was really happy about it :) Andrew and g-man uncle ian and little drew my dad loves the marine corps! My andrew in his big boy cowseat! :) eats like a big boy with a plate :)

My sweet baby boy turned one yesterday. It is amazing how fast this last year has gone, and yes everyone says that but it really is true. It feels like just yesterday I was awake all night and feeding him all day. I am not going to lie, brand new baby was not my favorite stage in Andrews life. I was tired all the time, alone all day. Giving so much and receiving nothing but poop and crying.  Dont get me wrong, I loved my little snuggle bug, but life was hard. Those first few months were the longest, I dont really think I had postpartum. but I cried a lot.  As he got older, and started smiling and cooing things got better; now I love (almost) every minute with my little monster.  He has such a happy disposition, he sleeps like a champ, is hardly every grumpy, loves his mama and daddy, and pretty much everyone else. He might not have been planned, but he sure is my greatest gift. Here are a few pictures over the last year. Brand spankin new :) 2 we...

USMC    1,000,000,000 Courtney 0 Once again I got my hopes up about getting my husband to myself for a full 4 days (for an out of town wedding), and once again the Marine Corps wins this one. I don't even know why I continue to try to plan anything. I found out my plans were crushed two days ago and needed some cool off time. I know it is not J's fault. I know he doesn't say "please schedule me for my flights when my wife wants me to go out of town with her!!" but that knowledge doesn't make it sting any less.  Once again my life and everything I do revolves around his schedule. I cant have 4 days. FOUR FREAKING DAYS.  So what do I do? I will continue to go see movies by myself, eat dinner alone, be a single parent 6 days a week all while keeping a smile plastered on my brace face.

Cutie Pootie! :) Daddy and Andrew at the San Juan Mission Momma and Andrew Huge fan of the grass! :) I love this little pout-y face! :) I found this little monster standing in his crib for the first time last week. Sleepy Andrew boy The boys gettin in some cuddle time

My attitute. I had a great day with my bestie today full of Panera soup and painting pottery; just what I needed. I woke up grumpy due to my metal mouth and was in great need of some Kelapy (kelli therapy).  I can not say enough how greatful I am for my girl friends out here on the West Coast. I would most likely need to be medicated (haha-ish) if it wasnt for the talk therapy and burden sharing with my friends. My wise Kelli shared a few words of wisdom that I need to incorporate into my thinking. Expect less. Give more.  Four simple words. Simple words that can have a profound impact on how I choose to react to situations that are out of my control. It is of course, easy to to lose perspective.  I need to give more. I need to think of others first.  Such a simple concept and yet so hard to remember.