Are you my mother?

I still look 5 months pregnant....someone come punch me in the face.

My sweet baby looks so different now. Its amazing what 2 months will do.

I feel like I could talk all night. Talk until my face turns blue. Tell you how I feel. Let you know exactly what I need from you and still you don't hear me. I am angry. I don't understand. You should be my person; but you're not. I am tired, lonely. Most of all, I am heartbroken. I am still an after thought, an "oh now I have to do this" check in the box. I sit here by myself writing this, and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for feeling this way; for needing you. Because I know you are busy, and you work hard. You work so hard there isn't much left. And as guilty as I feel, I know that I need more than you give. How do you fix something not everyone feels is broken?

Makin' messes like that's his job :) My blue eyed boy He loves his mommy :) Photo bomb! :) Pre-bedtime snuggles :) Best part of the day

 I feel like I say the same things over and over; do the same things over and over and still, I expect a different result. I tend to hold things in until something relatively minor happens and I lose my cool. And by lose my cool I mean cry. I hate that. It is so WEAK. When I'm really happy, really sad, angry; anything that involves a lot of emotion equals water works and I HATE it. It is hard to make a legitimate argument, be taken seriously if you're blubbering. How do you fix that? There are lots of ways to work on weakness, but how do you stop the waterworks?

My sweet baby Drew is 7 months old today. It is so crazy how fast time goes. I think about how much he has changed and it is truly incredible! Here are a few facts about my big boy :) -He loves to eat (as I'm sure you can tell by his slim figure lol) -He weights in at about 20 lbs and wears 9 month clothes -No teeth yet, but I keep checking! -He has no desire to be mobile yet, he will roll to his side to reach something but that's about all the effort he cares to put in :) -He can sit up for about 30 seconds and then falls over or slowly falls forward -He is always happy and is full of smiles :) -He says momma ba-ba da-da but doesnt associate them with anything yet (soon I hope!!) -Sleeps through the night about 11/12 hours (he's done this since about 6 months) -Face lights up and his whole body wiggles when you come into his room after a nap or when he wakes up in the morning, cutest thing ever! I hardley ever wake up to crying anymore, he just talks untill I he...

Awesomeness! Joel would so NOT appreciate this picture, but hes just so cute! And he doesn't look like he minds much! ;) I love this face! :) And I love my blue toes! I always get pink/red, sometimes an occasional coral but always in that family so this time I decided to do something different. After they were all done (and awesome!) they reminded me of one of my best friends when I was younger. She was crazy and sweet and so caring and loved crazy things like sparklie blue toes! :) We used to listen to Jack Johnson at the pool and stay up talking for hours about of course boys! I miss her, I moved summer before 10th grade and we stayed friends but gradually lost touch. I think about her sometimes, and hope she is happy and well. Those were good times, carefree and happy.  "Slow down everyone you're movin too fast, frames cant catch you when your movin like that"

Yeah you are probably thinking Andrew, but no I'm talking about me. This is day two of Joel's two week DET (don't ask me what that stands for because I don't know, but it means hes training) and I already want him to come home :( It just sucks sleeping alone, it's hard to sleep without him and I just keep thinking this is only two weeks. He is deploying again in the fall and I am just dreading it. It's a good thing but I really like having him around! lol And I just don't even want to think about not having him here again. It feels like he just got home and they are already gearing up for the next one! BOO BOO BOO On a happier note, I got to spend all day with two of my best girlfriends :) We went for a run, then they treated me to lunch at Panera and a pedicure. I have some awesome friends out here. I really don't think I would make it without all the help and support I get from my friends. Thanks ladies, for being awesome! On a sad "I'm a t...

Its official I am an old lady. I can't believe I am 25, I know some will call me crazy but that feels pretty old! I just dont know where the time goes. It was awesome to have Joel home with me this year to celebrate with. He surprised me with a night away downtown Saturday night at the Hyatt, and a massage at the spa they have there. It was awesome! I felt so special :) I'll admit I was sad to leave my little Andrew even for just one night but he was in the great hands of some close friends of ours and he is such a sweet easy going baby that I knew he would be fine. The view at the Hyatt is phenomenal, you can see the whole city, Coronado, everything! Pictures you ask? Yeah we didnt take any, we suck. We came home Sunday after breakfast and I was so happy to see my little babe :) We just stayed home Sunday and watched the game. Joel got me a cute princess cake, he said he saw it and had to get it for me lol so sweet. Overall such a great weekend, life is just so busy that it wa...