I feel like I could talk all night. Talk until my face turns blue. Tell you how I feel. Let you know exactly what I need from you and still you don't hear me. I am angry. I don't understand. You should be my person; but you're not. I am tired, lonely. Most of all, I am heartbroken. I am still an after thought, an "oh now I have to do this" check in the box. I sit here by myself writing this, and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for feeling this way; for needing you. Because I know you are busy, and you work hard. You work so hard there isn't much left. And as guilty as I feel, I know that I need more than you give. How do you fix something not everyone feels is broken?
I find I am forgetting to document what Andrew is up too, and that I am forgetting when he starting doing something new. So here I go documenting away; mom brain is a very real ailment! At your 15-month well baby you weighed 26.3 lbs and were 31.5 inches long. Your eyes are still blue, but getting more green/grey everyday. You have been waking up at about 5:30 despite me stretching bed time back an hour. I dont go get you till 630-7 though. We get up with the sun baby boy! So you might as well sleep! ;) Then we have a cuddle with some milk watching Mickey Mouse Club House. Your favorite part is the hot dog song. You are starting to get picky about what you eat. You used to eat whatever I gave you, now there are things you wont eat at all. Silly babe :) Your favorite foods are cheese, milk, goldfish, turkey dogs, chicken nuggets, mandarin oranges, grapes, animal crackers, jammy sammys, and fruit snacks. You refuse to eat pasta, sauce or no sauce you won...
I'm hoping this is a poem you found and not how you feel. I wish I was there to sqiush you. I love yor guts, dear!
ReplyDeleteI meant to type *your*
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