I feel like I could talk all night. Talk until my face turns blue. Tell you how I feel. Let you know exactly what I need from you and still you don't hear me. I am angry. I don't understand. You should be my person; but you're not. I am tired, lonely. Most of all, I am heartbroken. I am still an after thought, an "oh now I have to do this" check in the box. I sit here by myself writing this, and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for feeling this way; for needing you. Because I know you are busy, and you work hard. You work so hard there isn't much left. And as guilty as I feel, I know that I need more than you give. How do you fix something not everyone feels is broken?
I am grateful for you, Andrew. You are the tester of my ever dwindling patience, the giver of sloppy wet open-mouthed kisses. The destructor of my home, and master of unfolding laundry. No one else can melt my heart and simultaneously drive me mad. I can not say, sweet boy, how much I have grown since God blessed me with your life. Being your mother is not always easy; I am not perfect, but know that I will never work as hard to be at anything else. I hope I can be everything you need, I hope I can teach you to be a good man. I hope I can teach you to love others, have empathy for them, to embrace difference, but know who you are and where you are going. I hope I can instill in you a respect for your country, and the knowledge that you come from a line of American heros. Heros who were and are willing to sacrifice everything. I hope you live with passion, learn to embrace your trials. Be strong, in who you are and what you stan...
I'm hoping this is a poem you found and not how you feel. I wish I was there to sqiush you. I love yor guts, dear!
ReplyDeleteI meant to type *your*
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